As soon as my thoughts take shape
And settle like the sugar crystals at the bottom of my
Un-sipped layer of caffeinated stupor
I begin to shake it off.
Stir it up
Romanticise the pain of losing you
Feel it a hundred times over
Till the drink turns cold and colourless.
Curling up in my fantasies
Some days I’m sore, some days I’m high
And on several nights there is a peculiar urge to
Drive past certain shadows
And outline them with my fingers.
Somewhere in between the sediments
Nests a sense of passing guilt
Pressing at times, mostly effervescent
I can never tell when it comes or goes
In flashes, glimpses, clinks of unobtrusive sounds.
It was not easy
Grasping a solitude so strange, so comfortable
It engulfs
To feel at one and completely isolated at once
Is strange indeed, but never easy, to say the least.
Flakes of thoughts gather around my neck
Moistening the ends of my curls
Now laying flat, undisturbed, untroubled
By the eeriness of its surroundings.
A layer of calm that’s far from real
Miles from what you can touch, or even
Get close to feeling
A distant strain of bliss growing louder
Taking flight
Brewing its own sense of liberty.
A rare but rather collected emotion
A simple yet vague process
An unspecified yet defined freedom
An infinitesimal inconvenience
An egress for endless exuberance.
Concealing my heart under a pile of old paperbacks
Empty beer bottles and vinyl records
I have grown quite fond of my own company
For this orgiastic solitude and silence
Is unknown to you
And like a pie in the sky for me.
Anushka Maitra is a Senior Analyst and PR professional, and believes the world of communications is a truly mesmerising and dynamic space. Besides work, she spends most of her time reading in quaint cafes of Pondicherry and Old Manali, with a drink of choice for company. Her love for binge extends beyond literature, to tv shows, offbeat music and fried food! You can find her on Instagram @anushkamaitra and Twitter @AnushkaMaitra
Featured image: Praveesh Palakeel/Unsplash