Now is my time to cry
Assignment submission hangover around
Let’s do this!
Let’s get done with it.
Oh, I am crying
I don’t think I can stop
It’s too loud
I hold a cloth to cover my mouth.
I need music to calm me down
Heartbroken playlist for the heartbroken
Alliteration for my once again illiterate heart
Crushed to pieces, again.
The music hits another high
I wail once again
I know I will break into a cough
I forgot to change
From partially drenched clothes from the rain.
I forcefully jump out
Quickly grab a tee and an undie
Hurry back! Bed calls now.
Ten more minutes
I am heaving, I am grieving
I am angry now
At myself, but more on him
I feel like abusing.
I really need to pee.
I have to pee.
I rush to the washroom
Not caring how red my demeanour is
Spree spree flash flash fast fast
I am not the best to cry publicly.
Run for the room
I reach the end, oh and it is so warm
Unlike the cold presence he left me in.
I shamelessly cuddle myself
This feeling of singledom once again
Set on me, I feel alive and dead at the same time
I can’t think no more, I can’t breathe without apprehension.
I hate relationships
I hate men
I hate the idea of being with them
I hate the idea of love
If it comes to hurt me so badly.
What happened to my music
What is playing right now
I don’t know
Why did the tears stop flowing
I just cried a portion of my bed out…drenched.
What happens tomorrow then?
How do I see him, how do I greet him?
Do I even acknowledge his presence?
I don’t want to see him.
I will find love again, won’t I?
Do I need love right now?
Shit, only a minute left.
Alarm rings soon
I spin in my head
Somewhere between ANOVA and finding you
Placed in my head
Both of you
A slight smile
Why did I smile?
Is a small time
Or is it a long time
Deviating from you
Anomalies in us two
I can’t theorise
What where how why
But somehow, yes
Loving you was a life-changing thing
You helped me discover myself
Why am I being appreciative when I can straight up…
It’s 2:20 am
Back to grind mode.
Avnika Chhikara is a 23-year-old feminist, who adores purple sunsets and country music.