I want loneliness that feels poetic.
When I look outside at the tree I feel impossibilities that I want to explore,
When I see grey clouds and rain they remind me of an old friend,
or of my teenage years when stories felt more real than life.
I want loneliness that disappears into thin air when I sit on the porch of my best friend’s house
and we both talk about how we are running out of time and will be older soon.
I do not want the loneliness that asks me,
“You think you are running out of time? But, really, do you want more of it?”
I want the loneliness that comes with being at the airport,
that comes the next morning when you leave your friend’s house,
that comes with endings, but you know you are not doomed.
A loneliness that feels like living within the lining of my heart but very far off my reach
I do not want to feel so lonely so young that I keep asking the same question,
“Did you understand what I said?”
I do not want to wake up every morning knowing I am falling deeper every day and no one can hear.
I can’t keep mourning the life where I knew I was loved and I was home even when I couldn’t
recognise my own reflection in the mirror.
That is the simplest essence of being a human,
I want to know if I am loved even when I feel lonely.
I don’t want you to think nothing of me.
Please, let me be seen. Please consider my dreams. And I will consider yours.
Arshi Siddiqua is an aspiring MBA student and reads and writes in whatever free time they get.
Featured image: Frederik Löwer / Unsplash