Will the ‘Locker Room Talk’ Ever End?

I saw it happen in 2016; I see it happening in 2020, again.

Perhaps the four long years only went in misplaced representation of women in films and emotional brand campaigns – all in the name of showing ‘girl power’.

However, they failed to do exactly what they promised – make a change.

On May 3, in the middle of a pandemic, we were hit hard as screenshots of messages from ‘Bois Locker Room’ – an Instagram chat room with over a hundred participants – surfaced on social media.

In this virtual locker room, the boys shared nudes of girls their age (mostly), objectified them, and made plans to rape or gangrape one of them. Some even threatened to rape their girlfriends or friends if they didn’t send their nudes, and then further objectified them by sharing those photos.

The messages were horrifying to say the least, but I was more shocked to find that the boys were mostly students aged between 14 to 16, studying at premier institutions. This incident brought to light more of such chat rooms active across the country.

Hence, on May 3, among all the things that we could possibly be afraid of, we were scared of men – yet again.

One day in 2016, when I was a teenager, I heard my friends talk about a similar group where ‘players’ from my batch would share nudes of girls – some far younger than them – and their teachers, objectify them and make plans to ‘trade’ their girlfriends to ‘enjoy’ them.

I called it out back then, questioned my friends, and fought with anyone who found it ‘entertaining’. I was branded a drama queen, among other unpleasant names, and made fun of. Back then, I was shattered to know that so many girls (all of us underage, with many girls even younger than us) were unknowingly being used as ‘objects’ to amuse these boys.

I guess I am shattered today yet again, knowing that the history repeats itself: every single perpetrator gets away, while every single victim is haunted forever.

We need to appropriate measures to not let it happen but they should not revolve around girls. It shouldn’t be about dressing better, making your account private (or getting off the social media) or not sharing your pictures.

We shouldn’t focus on finding ways to not allow young girls (and women) to express themselves, instead we should pay attention to the pscyhe of these young boys. Why do they think it is okay to make inappropriate comments and gestures at women? What makes them think like that?

Does it stem from the past as women have always faced severe atrocities or is it something that has gotten worse now? Is it rooted in the representation of women in media, or in the way some prominent public figures talk about women.


Also read: Another Boys Locker Room? How ‘Harmless Banter’ Led to a Google Drive Full of Nudes at Kolkata


Sexism is all around us yet we continue to live under a false impression that it has died down – but it hasn’t apparently.

The concept of locker room talk, both online and offline, is in itself a flawed and dangerous. It is problematic that men feel the need to harbour such vile thoughts in secrecy so that that they aren’t questioned in public. If we let it pass as a norm, we would have a hard time trusting men in our lives. How are we to know that they are not harbouring such inappropriate thoughts? How do we agree with #NotAllMen when we literally cannot differentiate between anyone, and have to put our guards even higher to protect ourselves.

However, we can now see a shift in the discourse: the actions by the boys’ in question were not conveniently placed on sidelines. They were called out and questioned for doing what they did.

While we cannot deny that it was a girl who posed as a boy to say such horrible things on the chatroom and a few girls, who outed the boys, were caught making homophobic and racist comments – these instances cannot and should not discredit the entire movement.

#BoisLockerRoom is more than just a dozen few screenshots; it has managed to put the spotlight on the kind of discussions that boys and men have indulged in for ages. There have been several such cases all around the world and these kind of conversations have existed in even worse ways. I am sure in 2016, in my school alone, a lot of such groups were active.

Now imagine such conversations taking place across most schools around the world. And then weigh them against the argument that it isn’t just young boys who take part in such inappropriate activities – as we obviously heard grown-up men talk when The Washington Post released a video of then Presidential candidate Donald Trump and television host Billy Bush making vulgar remarks on women in 2005. Some even came out in support of the candidate and the ‘Access Hollywood’ controversy died down then and there. How is that video tape any different from the messages exchanged on the ‘Bois Locker Room’?

It is scary when we see such perpetrators let off the hook. If you think I’m just exaggerating, let me tell you that among hundreds of girls who felt absolutely disgusted after reading the screenshots on the ‘Bois Locker Room’, only a fraction of them came forward and talked about it on social media.

It becomes even worse when these men grow up to occupy positions of power. It almost becomes a vicious cycle with no change in sight and we continue to lecture women and girls continue on how to dress, where to go, who to hang out with, and what to post on social media; forgetting that these things in no way justify men’s attitude towards women.

The girls need to be questioned too – albeit for different reasons. But at this point we shouldn’t be dissolving the situation by letting go off the boys in question. The problem at hand still remains: how can we guarantee the safety of girls and women who’ve often been made to feel unsafe and vulnerable by the system?

Our corrective measures at this point need to be more at grassroots levels, where young boys are educated about basic decency. Families and institutions need to work harder to assure safety of not just women but minorities of all sorts, and make them feel heard and represented.

More so, treating a fellow human being with respect shouldn’t be glorified in any way. You must remember that you are complicit in the objectification of women, if you never stepped up to call out your peers for their inappropriate behaviour.

I didn’t see it happen in 2016; I am not seeing it happen in 2020.

Swati Trivedi is a recent graduate and a freelancer who writes about topics ranging from gender equality to politics. She believes in healing powers of coffee and absolute rage. She tweets @ShutUpSwati 

Featured image credit: Siavash Ghanbari/Unsplash