Dear all,
I feel heavy as I write this.
But I have been ignoring this weight for a while. The weight of writing this letter as a child sexual abuse survivor, the weight of connecting with you all – which honestly has proven to be more about self- annihilation rather than self-awareness.
All I want to say is that I wish to be treated as any other friend. My past experience is a part of my life, it is not me. I know I am dealing with mental health issues and I talk about it, as I should, but I don’t want to be treated any differently because of my childhood experiences. It is my experience, and I don’t want to connect with you all on a false base.
I don’t want people controlling my life, like my family did, with violence. I don’t wish to be told that I am capable of nothing because of my mental health issues or because I am a child sexual abuse survivor.
I have been noticing this for a while now that no matter what I do or not do, I am treated differently just because I am a survivor of violence. And at times some people hesitate to connect with someone like me who has faced violence in the past. I don’t want to blame myself or my past because of them.
I just want to say that it is my life and my experiences and it is mine to deal with, not yours. But every time you treat me like I know nothing, every time you pity me, please remember that your pity means nothing to someone who has fought such a difficult battle on their own. Survivors are brave and strong. Your pity makes no contribution in my life, it only isolates me. You should know that my experiences don’t define me. However, every time you treat me differently, you want me to consider that they do.
I have a body. I have a voice. I can communicate. I can connect. Survivors have a body, they have a voice. Stop invisibilising them. Stop propagating victim culture. Stop “speaking on their behalf”. Ask them if they are doing fine. Give them space and platform to speak up. Support them. They don’t need your pity but an acknowledgement that they were wronged.
Also, violence is of various kinds. Some people have their bodies violated, some face violence at home, some within their own community, some for marrying/loving someone outside their community and the list goes on.
But you don’t have to carry our burden.
Just acknowledge that we exist.
Listen to what we have to say.
Ask us the right questions.
Support us.
Heal the broken connections.
Featured image credit: Pariplab Chakraborty