As I finished revising the last chapter of engineering mechanics,
I closed my eyes trying to imagine the question paper.
But, it was no where to be seen.
Countless nights,
Endless strife,
And still not even a shimmer of light.
It’s been a journey of preparing,
Waiting for the exam dates,
Followed by forms,
Then exams (if at all they happen),
And finally the results,
Which also are delayed.
Do I stand defeated?
No? Yes?
Maybe… maybe.
I am not defeated, I am just tired.
Tired of bureaucracy,
Tired of revising the same chapters again.
Or maybe
Tired of being jobless with my head hanging in shame.
Maybe I am tired today,
But I have not yet stopped.
Maybe I am fallen right now,
But the dreams in my heart are still alive,
I am accustomed now,
Accustomed to adjusting,
Accustomed to your false promises,
Accustomed to new propagandas ,
Accustomed to my pain.
I am lost,
Lost in the countless protests,
For a zillion things in our country
Or maybe lost in the silence of this poetry.
I am lost,
Lost in the dense fog of communalism
Or lost in the ego of your fascism.
I am lost,
Because you forgot my existence,
You have ignored my persistence.
I am lost,
Because I am striving hard amidst pain,
But all my efforts are simply going in vain.
And all my words mean nothing,
because I am still a 27-year-old guy preparing for an exam,
Trying to fail, if not pass.
But striving nevertheless,
Seeking an exam.
Exam that will define my life,
Exam that might reflect my strife.
Exam that might not give me a job,
But at least my life will turn its knob.
I am lost,
In the words of your speeches,
In the concepts my book teaches.
I am lost,
In my own words,
In the dim light of this room waiting for that one morning.
Till then,
You can keep ignoring me,
Keep playing with my fate.
And I’ll still keep preparing with no hate.
Suppress my voice,
May be this is my fate.
But, I promise
I’ll rise up up again –
And fight the power structures of the state.
Shazan Siddiqui is an advertising and marketing professional who believes writing comes from within and can never be forced upon. A big fan of dark emotions, who believes speaking your raw emotions is the best way to communicate.
Featured image credit: Steve Johnson/Pixabay