My brother and I are polar opposites when it comes to our most dominant personality traits. I’m an eccentric, vivacious extrovert and he’s a relatively saner, calm and reserved introvert. It’s this yin-yang sibling compatibility we have that has allowed us to be each other’s built-in biological best friends.
Sometime around September 2010, my family and I were invited to one of our relatives, Mr Malhotra’s place for lunch. They had a beautiful spread of delicacies, ranging from dhoklas, paneer and dal to spaghetti and meatballs. After a scrumptious lunch, Mr Malhotra’s children, Shreya and Rohan, invited my brother and I to watch television. While nonchalantly switching from one channel to another, we decided to watch My Name Is Khan.
I was eight when the movie released, and I could definitely not comprehend its complexity and theme. I did not understand the nitty-gritties of the movie, all I knew was that Kajol and Shah Rukh Khan have always been an iconic on-screen duo. My brother was sitting next to me and was fiddling with his favourite McDonald’s Transformer toys. He was arranging them in a sequence. He had always preferred spending time his toys than with real people.
As the movie progressed, eight-year-old me made an observation about the protagonist’s expressions. Rizwan, played by Khan, didn’t make a lot of eye contact while speaking and kept shying away from conversation. He lacked interaction skills and had been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, which is one the falls under the autism spectrum disorder.
I realised that Rizwan and my brother were extremely alike. My brother used to find it extremely hard to make eye contact with people while conversing, and could hardly express how he felt. He preferred not to talk. I kept this observation to myself till the end of the movie. We bid farewell to the Malhotras and headed home.
In the car, my parents asked if we had fun, whether my brother and I had fought, what movie we had watched. I narrated the entire afternoon spent watching My Name Is Khan and then impulsively blurted out, “Rizwan (the protagonist) and Dada (brother in Marathi) are very similar.”
To this, my parents did not respond. I felt a little disheartened, and the drive back home was a bit silent. The following night, my mom came to my room and spoke to me about how she thought my observation may have confirmed her fears.
My mom is a bold, intellectual and caring person. I know she would go to any extent to make her kids feel happy and secure. She was well aware of the fact that my brother was rather atypical and slightly different from the rest of the children at his school. And my observation of mine validated the speculation she had made.
The following week, my mother decided to consult a psychiatrist. After a difficult hour of psychological tests, scans and questions, my brother was diagnosed with autism – Asperger’s syndrome, to be precise.
It was definitely difficult for my family to come to terms with it. Now, our lives revolve around my brother and his diagnosis. This finally explained the constant ragging my brother had to face, the blatant slurs thrown at him and incessant teasing that he as an 11-year-old had to go through.
Thanks to my mom’s perennial resilience, strength and love, we stopped wallowing in disappointment and started finding viable solutions. My brother joined counselling sessions, learning classes and other activities.
The day my brother was diagnosed with autism is when my role as a sister completely changed. From that moment on, my mom transferred me out of my school to the one my brother attended. He did everything he could do within his reach to protect me. As for me, I tried to protect him in every conceivable way.
This new role was a lot for me to grasp. It was rather overwhelming for me as an eight-year-old. Ten years later, it still continues to be.
My brother’s diagnosis is definitely not a pity party invite. Autism has limited a wide array of activities for him but has also opened a gateway of new horizons for him to explore. I remember watching my brother make beautiful caricatures and canvas paintings as a small kid, showing creativity and professionalism way beyond his age. My brother’s calm, cool and collective nature all throughout his life motivates me to follow a similar pattern of thought and change the conventional stressful view on life.
I’ve learnt to become a more patient, resilient and determined person. As for my brother, he is making use of his creativity and making aesthetic digital art pieces. Today, and every day, I devote a little bit of my time trying to get to know my brother and his world a little better.
Tarini Ravi Kumar is an undergraduate student who is passionate about psychology and mental health advocacy.
Featured image credit: Tarini Ravi Kumar