10,000 Questions in My Head


9 pm
In front of my mirror

What’s the time?
Is it too dark?
Is my phone charged?
Have I informed my parents?
Is it okay if I wear this new top?
Is the neckline too deep?
Should I wear something looser?
My hair? Should I tie it?
Is the makeup fine?
Is it too much?

Walks down.

At the gate

Do I have my pepper spray?
Why did the guard stare at my chest?
Is the neckline really deep?
Should I go home and change?
Is it safe to take the metro at this hour?
Or should I book a cab?
Should I inform my friends first?
What will they think?

Books a cab

Should I wait inside the colony gate?
Or walk outside in the main galli?
Are my heels making a lot of noise?
Should I wipe off my lipstick?
Did I pick a very dark shade?
Why is my purse not big enough?

Inside the cab

Why is he looking at me?
Should I call my best friend?
Why is he taking this route?
Why is he slowing the car down?
What is this smell? Is he drunk?
Why did he divert?
Why is he taking the U-turn now?
Why is he playing the music so loud?
Should I ask him to stop the music?
What if he gets angry?
Should I ask him to take the highway instead?
Why is he not listening?
Should I put on my earplugs?
What if I get distracted?
Is my posture correct?
Have we arrived?
Where am I going?


Is this the right place?
Should I ask this person?
Will he think I am stupid?
Will he tell me the right direction?
Should I believe him?
Or should I check the map?


An hour later

It’s late already, should I leave?
But I don’t want to (do I have a choice?)
Will I get a cab now?
Should I book a cab?
What have I gotten myself into?
Can I wait for ten more minutes?
Okay five?
Do I have to miss the dinner?
Why do I always have to?
I dressed up for nothing?

On the road

Should I take the metro now?
How will I walk back home from the station?
Will I get a rickshaw?
Should I put my scarf around my neck?
Why did I buy this top?
Why can’t I just fly back home?
Why can’t I have my own car?
Should I go to another party next weekend?
Do I have enough money to book a cab?
Should I wait?
Where will I go now?

Female friend offers lift (god bless her).

Will she drop me till my colony’s gate?
Can I ask her if she can?
Won’t it be too late for her?
How will she go back home late at night?
Does she have enough petrol?
Where will she get it refilled?


No questions in her care.

Reaches home

At home, in front of the mirror


Why didn’t I click any pictures?
Why didn’t I eat?
Why did I go?
Why is going out so difficult?
Will it get better when I grow older?
Why do I ask so many questions?
Did I have fun?
Why didn’t I know having fun was so exhausting?

Post COVID-19

Adds 10,000 more questions to this list.

Featured image credit: Pariplab Chakraborty