I cleaned my room this evening.
I made my bed and swept the floor.
Cleaned the closed and picked the clothes.
I dusted the book shelf and drew the curtains.

As I was finishing a thought crossed my mind.
An idea that shouldn’t have.
I told myself I shouldn’t do it.
But my heart told me it wanted to.

So, I looked under my bed and found it.
Took it and stared at it.
A diary from my childhood.
Covered in dust and dirt.
A diary I had kept hidden.

I clean off the dust and I open it.
The first page reads, “This diary belongs to…” with hearts and smiles.
Reminded me of the times when things were fine and I was hopeful.

I kept on turning the pages.
With each page my heartbeat faster.
My pulse raised.
It all came back to me flooding.

I had told myself I had forgotten.
But with each page that I turned;
I realised some things are meant to stay with you.

Some pages were missing.
Some were half torn.
Some even half burnt.
Some pages were left blank.
Some were tightly scribbled.
Some still wet from tears of joys.
Some still had dried blood on then.

With every turn of page came back memories.
Memories of a lost childhood.
Memories of days spent in darkness.
Memories of nights spent crying.
Memories of people left behind.
Memories of time I could never have back.

As I reached the last page
I found written;
“I promise I will never open this diary again.”
I had broken the promise this evening.

I wiped the tears in my eyes.
I kept the diary where it was.
I put on a smile and I left.

Sauleh goes by the pseudonym, Chilaikalaan. He was born and raised in Srinagar, Kashmir and is currently based in Bangalore.

Featured image: Grianghraf / Unsplash