From Introvert to Socially Anxious

I am an introvert, always have been. I cannot bring up topics easily to communicate with people. However, if given a topic, I can speak very well. But long conversations always ultimately turn awkward for me.

I completed my masters and came to a new city to make my career and most importantly, pursue my dreams. I have changed three jobs so far. However, in every organisation I have worked, people have asked me continuously, “Why don’t you talk much?”, “How will you complete your work if you don’t communicate?”

These questions demotivated me. I’d try to turn a deaf ear to them and focus on my work. I believed in my capabilities. My clients never complained about my introversion.

The year 2019, has been tough so far. I have seen my introversion turn into social anxiety. I was given less importance due to my introversion, or rather, was ‘thought of’ as incapable. After working in the same organisation for the 3 years, them suddenly considering me incapable was something I did not agree with.

Also read: Sometimes, Conforming Is the Best Way to Deal With Depression

The office politics only got worse when my introversion was used as a feedback tool against my performance. I tried to ignore things since it affected my mental health. I will not go into the details of the politics. But I was mentally tired of the issues and of being portrayed negatively. I tried to fight for myself but in vain.

I was an introvert stuck amidst people who tried to bring me down.

All these circumstances have made me a socially anxious person. I have become cynical – thinking every person has a selfish motive and will do anything to fulfil it. I fear to leave home and meet people or they might point out, yet again, “Hey! You don’t talk much.”

I do realise I should ignore these people but many don’t recognise that being an introvert is a personality, same as extroverts and ambiverts. We love our solitude. And sometimes we really don’t want to talk.

I hope I will be able to meet new people confidently. Maybe not have long conversations, but good conversations would be wonderful.

Featured Image Credits: Flickr