The title of this piece nettles me. Being a red flag is not subjunctive. It is very much my familiar reality – I am a red flag. Despite the boastful appraisal of my own shortcomings, I must admit that I lack originality in even this. I am not a red flag of my own, rather, I am a hidden museum of countless red flags that I’ve witnessed others put on display.
But I can’t seem to write about these red flags, which I promise you I embody. The stories surrounding them don’t feel like my own to share. They are pieces of others that I have beautifully curated – each having designated posts in my mind as well. Even so, sometimes, my flags are so shy, so well hidden, or decorated that I don’t recognise them myself. Or perhaps, even worse, my red flags aren’t that red anymore. In an attempt to camouflage, it’s all that I’ve become.
I think it’s in this way that we all become red flags. We’re all little exhibitionists, parading around as our own flags. At the same time, the concept of red flags can feel so distant when you’re stuck in the middle of them º a turning point, a moment of realisation, an isolated incident – but it seems to me that most red flags take shape over time through what might seem like accumulated confessions. Confessions to yourself. I’ve learned from others how to gauge the warning signs; what reveals the reality is often just the reddest of flags folded into roses – an origamist’s uninspired display.
I feel like I might be deluded. Maybe my red flags are not so hidden after all. Maybe I am more obvious than I give myself credit for. The excuse of naivety is as easy as it is excruciating, as each flag on display is yet another testament to another lived shade of uneasiness. As I look back on the flags that have marked my life, I realise how little I have to tell you, reader. I didn’t see the flags, initially. Did you?
So, what should I write about? In an attempt to pull back that curtain, I shall rather seek to make peace with the fact that I am, indeed, stuck in my familiar reality – different from the subjunctive.
I am a red flag.
Akash Nath is a student of law at NUJS, who occasionally likes sharing scribbles from his journal as unfiltered and unstructured pieces.
Featured image: Girl with red hat / Unsplash