Letter to My Father

Dear Papa,

It has been a month since you bid us a silent goodbye. I saw you for the last time on April 17. It was heartbreaking to see you leaving me and not being able to hug you or hold you. Never have we felt as helpless as we did in those last few days. My exams had started on the same date you left us, and how could I not miss the person who used to be so excited to wish me ‘all the best’.

There isn’t a single corner in the house where we don’t miss you. You were like a white daisy overflowing with innocence and purity in your soul. You were the charismatic flower of our garden-like family and without you, it feels like a sad desert. From food to movies, from practical learning to education, from childishness to every crazy thing – you have always been my partner.

I remember how on every daughter’s day, you used to send me a picture saying how you would hold me tight and support me, how you couldn’t imagine your life without me, how I’m the most beautiful person you know. And I remember the time before you were hospitalised – how you hugged me tight when I was falling apart. You held my hand when I was shivering with pain. You supported me when no one believed in me. You forgave my mistakes and helped me learn from them. From my paintings to my results, you’ve never left a moment to appreciate me and my presence in your life. You’re like a kid who was always curious to learn more. You always taught yourself and everyone to grow and learn new values. You always taught me to be a successful independent woman when the girls are taught how to be a good housewife in the future.

My words fail to describe how much your presence mattered to me. Just like your caller tune,

“Aane wala pal jaane wala hai
Ho sake to is mein
zindagi bita do
pal jo ye jaane wala hai”

You always taught us to enjoy and live every moment. You were the smile on my face and the path that always guided me. Without you, I’m lost and I’ve forgotten how to enjoy the little moments and smile. As soon as my phone rings, I hope it’s you cracking lame jokes, getting angry at me, asking me to get some work done. I have never spent a day without you asking me how am I or how am I doing or what I wish to do. No matter wherever I went or you went, you always called to check up on me.

Papa, I have lost a soft corner in you. I have lost someone who trusted me, believed in me and my potential, which you always encouraged. I have lost the soul that kept me sane and happy. I have lost my support system. You were the cloud that showered a rain of kindness and love. Without you, it’s just a drought. Papa, you have been the most coolest and amazing father. And I am so lucky that I got you by my side till the last.

I am so grateful for all the love you gave me but I wish if you would have stayed a little more I could’ve given you back a little more love and happiness. We could have enjoyed ourselves together and I could fulfil each of your wishes. Thank you Papa for loving your imperfect daughter. I am sorry for not being the best daughter but I tried my best and always will. I will never fail to make you and myself proud. Just like the quote by M.K. Gandhi:

“There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.”

You might not be here but you’re always there right in my heart. You might have left, but your charisma stays. May your soul rest in peace and may you get paradise with the comfort you always wanted. Thank you for being my mentor, my faculty, my father, and my best friend. I love you always and forever.
Jan’s & Janu
(Name you would always call me)

Jahnvi Raol is a student, aspiring writer and an avid reader who believes in the idea of equality and freedom.

Featured image credit: PublicDomainPictures/Pixabay