I think of a safe space
And the lights in the room turn off
I’m back on my bed, with a blanket over my head
At least for that moment,
I’ve dissolved into the cotton sheets
That still stink of my tears from last night
Yes, I cry.
I snivel, I howl
I whimper, I scowl
But, all in these sheets
I dump all my insecurities
Knitted together with fear
As the pillow sinks, with the gravity
Of the abandoned, unspoken thoughts that dwell in my intellect
This dark, yet so warm room
Is my safe space
Where I inhale, assured
That there IS no judgement or any Spartan comment
Shoved, into my lungs
Where I exhale, aware
Of the fact that the stink of my breath will not reveal my orientation
Political or sexual.
You know the best part?
In this safe space, it doesn’t matter
If I talk before I think or
I think before I talk
Because the words I speak,
They float, so remote
And dissipate, into thin air
With this warm blanket enveloping my soul,
I am untouched, I am safe.
And the deal was done until someone
Asked me, “From whom?”
Wait. Oh.
From whom have I been running?
Who is ahead of this chase?
When I myself am scratching
My wounds in a million ways
Too consumed I was
In embellishing
Tying pretty letters
Into a necklace of poetry
Before I caught myself
Choking on my own diamonds
The reality perhaps, is not physical
My safe space, dear
Is not fenced
At the boundaries of a warm blanket
Or the periphery of my room
It is, indeed, beyond
My insecurities, my fears that
The society forced down my guts
It’s not on the roads that are filled with hawks
Who stare UP my skirt and DOWN on me.
It’s not around sirens
That shout so loud, and yet, disappear
Before you know.
My safe space is quite ironic, in fact
I say it’s beyond but it’s only here
My mode of transport is
- shutting my lids
- Grabbing a chair
- Sitting on it.
So hold this precious moment
And breathe
Now relax,
And answer me
Is there any place safer,
Where you’d rather be?
Megha Kaul is a 19-year-old studying literature at Lady Shri Ram College, Delhi University. Find her on Instagram @demented_desires
Featured image credit: Max Hofstetter/Unsplash