The Musings of Solitude

It’s 3 am and I’m wide awake.
My mind is sentient with words
to verbalise itself–
there’s no one around to listen.
So, I keep telling it to fall asleep
but the circle of thoughts cycling in my mind, what about them?

So I sat on the bed, resting my head
on the headboard,
my hands wrapped around my knees.
I made a friend of darkness,
it’s from nowhere and everywhere,
has always been there in the times of murk, but I overlooked.

It doesn’t say anything but hears me.
It heard the cry of solitude
a desolation where the invisible periphery latched everything around
creating an enclosure that blocks the air.
And I’m stifling inside–
there’s pressure all over,
my head is above water,
I’m fighting it, but I’m going under.

So now I gave up on it
I gave up the urge to fight.
Still it won’t let me drown placidly.
I’m telling the silhouette about my admiration for the hours of darkness–
my mind wants to unravel the dark recesses of space.
It wants to travel from the beginning to the end,
from illumination to tenebrosity
to discover the truths and the hidden lies.
From nadir to zenith,
The zeal it shows in discovering the unknown–
the moon and the stars melting, like ice cream
and the open-eyed wide dream.

I tell my brain to retire,
it’s enough for today
But I cannot break the prison, that is my mind.
For it is curious again
it wishes with all its heart,
to fly with dragons in a land so far away
over the pillows of clouds where
the sun is the bowl of lava
stuck on sheets of sky.

I see my companion on the spur of the moment fading a bit,
here I am leaning on the headboard comparing and contrasting the uncommon imagery
talking about the known and the undiscovered,
how two lovers entangled their hands afloat in space,
two warriors and their desire to win,
the creation of the universe in the dust and its end.
Life and death.
About motions and emotions of living and inanimate objects,
but not my own.
So I gave my amygdala a chance
and the mind struggled with itself.

Turns out I am good at hiding my expressions
so yet again I hide them, I hide them even from my own self.
The birds started twittering their morning melody,
the sunlight beams peaking through the clouds.
It’s time.
It’s time for my confidant to go,
we will meet again under the dark black sky

As the sunbeam transcended the window
the light, it can touch me…I feel it…the shadow vanished
my familiar was gone.
Before the golden arcing rays could touch my brown orb,
I dozed off to sleep.
The glint was all over my skin–
it sparkled with freshness
and breathed the morning air.
I was asleep
but my mind was awake, my mind was awake.

Featured image credit: 愚木混株 Cdd20/Pixabay