We are privileged upper-class, upper-caste cis millennial women. That says a lot about the opportunities we have had access to, the literature we have or could have read, the power we hold or can hold. It means that we have had the agency and freedom to make our choices for ourselves for the most part in our lives without the fear of systemic oppression. It also means that our voices are recognised in ‘mainstream feminism’ in India. And yet, it is all still nothing when compared with a cis man. This is our take on what it means to navigate life as evolving millennial feminists.
Being a millennial woman often feels like being stuck somewhere in between – between proving to the future generations that we can do better while being monitored for every step we take by the previous generations. We belong to a generation that grew up in the aftermath of the second wave of feminism, and the beginning of the third wave. We were relentlessly told that women can do anything and be anything they want to be.
Our journey with feminism has been rather tumultuous with a lot of learning and unlearning.
As young girls from relatively more progressive backgrounds (we say ‘relative’ because despite the privilege, we were still conditioned to believe and follow certain gender roles due to the schooling structure and the larger patriarchal system that we inhabit), our understanding of equality and rights were fairly linear. We spent most of our growing years in schools where we were made to believe that we were all equal.
But with time we realised – in George Orwell’s words – that some of us were more equal than others. Our schools spoke about raising leaders who would create equal opportunities for others. But these were also the schools where our teachers often complained about girls talking to boys which did not align very well with being ‘ladylike’ and that they were certain it would hamper our futures even though we were all performing well. The same wasn’t expected of the boys. This was around the time we first heard about equal rights for all. It sure didn’t feel like it.
During secondary schooling years, as students grew more conscious of how they were perceived, we also started saying or encountering common phrases like “I am not like other girls”; “I don’t want friends who are girls, because that is so much drama”; “Did you see what she was wearing?”; “Why doesn’t she act like a girl?” Internalised misogyny is so normalised from a young age, that we don’t even realise it until we consciously try to change the patterns.
As time progressed, we became more aware and noticed a shift in how we were expected to behave even when at home or familiar settings. We still recall a time when sitting for dinner, while the men and children of the house would eat, the women would either be in the kitchen or serving the food. There were also times when we were made to feel conscious and uncomfortable about what we wore in front of others. In fact, we both have been asked by family members to change our clothes before meeting people on separate occasions. At the time, we accepted it, but it is unsettling to think of how young girls are conditioned to forgo autonomy over our bodies right from the get-go. Gradually, over many conversations in senior school and college, we first learned about feminism and how it is okay to dispel certain conditionings and stand up for ourselves and others.
Also read: The Hollow ‘Wokeness’ of Educated Upper Class, Caste Women
In college, feminism became the “it” word. Everyone wanted to be called a feminist. Social media gave it new life, as feminist dialogues and varied perspectives came to the forefront to those who had access, and resources were readily available at the click of a button. At the same time, misunderstandings and online tirades against feminism also grew in popularity through insensitive hashtags like #feminazi, #NotAllMen and more.
Now, we are of the firm belief that feminism has to be unpalatable at times, like a bitter pill, for it to succeed.
A majority of our understanding was governed by what we were able to access over the internet, and some influencers became the flagbearers of feminism as they spoke openly about their experiences as women in public spaces, including cyber spaces with words like, “It’s our choice” and “Feminists should question, critique, and demand change”.
While true, it is important to understand that only a few have the privilege to do this. It is also equally important to note that language too played a role in the voices that were heard and recognised with a lot of space being taken up by privileged English speaking feminists like us. The definition of feminism, and what it means to be a feminist was dynamic – it changed from person to person.
As we navigated our way into adulting, and our interactions with diverse groups increased, we realised that our notion of feminism was limiting, and the discourse of mainstream feminism often did not recognise or include the voices of those who were marginalised and underrepresented. It wasn’t intersectional.
The narratives around feminism continue to grow and evolve as we do too. Some continue to be exclusionary. The crux of any social movement is challenging the status quo, but for many that is not convenient. Today, women demand paid maternal leaves or menstrual leaves as they should, but they often forget that the domestic worker in their houses should have the same right. The existing gaps in our general understanding of feminism is exactly what a majority of people consisting of mostly cis men pick on to create more roadblocks for individuals while questioning the authenticity of the movement as a whole.
We realise now that in order for feminist discourse to be more inclusive, we have to come to terms with letting go of our privileges, or using this privilege and the platform that it offers to let underrepresented groups take up space. This is the only way to achieve systemic changes that impact the daily lives of those who are not as privileged.
A lot has changed over these years, some for the better and some for worse. Companies and decision-making bodies have more representation when it comes women, we have paid maternal leaves, adoption leaves, menstrual leaves and so on. These have all been steps taken in recognition and support of women’s autonomy over their bodies.
But have things truly changed? No one talks about structural change but instead masks the system with a layer of superficial support for feminism and equal rights for all. Women too have been allies of this very system – recognising fellow women in leadership and influential positions not because of their capabilities but on the basis of their relationships with the men around them. Instead of being allies of the feminist movement, they proudly declare that they aren’t feminists and reinforce barriers for other women.
We are millennial feminists. We staunchly stand by it. But we are also evolving feminists as we come to terms with our own shortcomings. Our understanding of feminism continues to grow as we try to apply it to the different spaces we occupy in our lives.
There is still a long way to go. We believe that being a feminist is a life-long journey of growth, and we strongly encourage you to also take the same route as growth is the only constant for a bunch of fearless women with an unfinished revolution.
Featured image credit: Gerd Altmann/Pixabay