The Confused Grace of the Heart: A Poem about First Love

I’m just a few hours away from meeting you, but it’s been a long time since I’ve known you.

I can feel your face on mine, and the soft gentle soul that makes your eyes shine.

I’m incredibly nervous about that smile of yours – I’ve waited for that since I first wanted to be yours.

I can hear your laughter in my ears, I can feel it in my heart – we’re finally here and not apart.

I wonder what the universe has planned – what’s the place on which we’re supposed to land?

Why was I meant to feel this way? The universe knows I hate the greys.

Why do I see so many connections between us? Is there a future lying ahead for us?

We may not even be running the same race; it’s funny how the heart operates with all it’s vulnerability, immaturity and grace.

It doesn’t seem to respect profound logic;

It wants to go through it – something that the mind’s sure is tragic.

But such are the stories of the heart. It makes you feel that you’re not too far apart.

When the reality is that we’re from two separate worlds – the universe just decided to shake up the moulds.

It’s funny how I already feel you – here, in my arms; with your eyes and nose and lips on mine – I can feel the tension slowly unwind.

If only my dreams were the truth, they’re not.

So I must come back to the ground – which is my hope’s melting pot.

I’m going to meet you tomorrow. For the first time. I can feel your wind coming towards me. I can feel your smile slowly raising my petrified hopes – I wish I could let the words flow. I wish I could let my ‘me’ flow.

But, I cannot. Because I’m scared that that’ll set us forever apart.

The heart’s confused and the mind’s running races.

But it’s still asking the same question – do we even run the same race? If not, why is the heart progressing with such a pace? We surely don’t want to see the black music we’re going to have to face.

But hope is what’s fuelling the heart. The hope that maybe we don’t have to be so far apart.

The universe has defined it’s plans: for both you and me.

But, will you even see me?

Eshaa Joshi is 18 years old. She is interning with Shaheen Mistri, CEO of Teach for India, on a project called Kids Education Revolution, an attempt to reimagine education in India. She writes poetry too.

Featured image credit: Christopher Sardegna/Unsplash